What does Self Worth Even Mean?

     Every day, thousands of people preach this thing called "self-worth" and I've been trying my best to tag along. I've realized over a long period of time since about the seventh grade that I've been writing songs, poetry, and free-writing about being strong, overcoming, and being beautiful. I've come a long way, but somewhere between I still have some issues that have strung along. I embrace my beauty and embrace having passions for several things, but no one really knows that. And even though I try to convince myself that I don't do things for the acceptance of others, I realize that I've been lying to myself. All these years trying to look different, act different, and break conformity, a part inside of me wanted to feel apart and included, I didn't want to isolate myself. Me being different gave me the idea that I needed to act even more different so that people that are for me will be able to relate to that "me", not knowing that "me" wasn't even me at all. I was basically trying way too hard. I ended that phase with the understanding that I have to continue to love the quirky and awkward person that I am. I now know how to love my awkwardness and regard negative comments towards it. But the side I don't embrace includes the goofy and confident jokester, no one other than my close family and loved ones know that side. Unmutual people that have seen me leave my shell, tell me that I don't even act like that; that I'm faking, and that hurts sometimes. Why does it hurt? Because I still allow the opinions of others to affect me. I know who I am, so why do what they like, what they do, or how social they are, really matter? If they aren't me it shouldn't matter. This is where self-love and self-worth start. Your life shouldn't depend on another man's standard, it should depend on yours and that's why you're you. You have to block everything out and become conceited. Yes! You may be thinking what is she talking about, but that is exactly what you have to do. You have to be the happiest person in the world. Start with being selfish for a week.  It doesn't matter what your past consists of, who you've hurt or what you've done, forgive yourself and take the time to become reborn. Remember that this doesn't have to include material things, because at the end of the day when your material lifestyle is gone, what will you have left? It starts with knowing what you love and being great at it. Be the best at all that you do, and when you start that way, happiness will automatically enter your life. This is something I learned this past year in which I fully understood my self-worth and I plan to be completely selfish this year until I reach accomplishments that will cause happiness never to leave my heart. I hope you do the same too!

Thank You.